May 22, 2007 - Entry #4
*This diary is intended to be an official record for the world as to what is happening to me and my family and what (although unknown at this point) is to be. -- for an accurate reading, please begin with Entry #1
It’s 3 am and my mind is racing.
I am listening to frogs chirp through the driver’s door window and my son is sleeping soundly under two thick blankets and a coat. The breeze is cool but comfortable.
I’ve had a hard time sleeping. Every so often I jolt awake at some imaginary sound. Writing this helps me focus and I find now it’s the only way I can unscramble my thoughts and fall asleep
I’ve driven roughly 420 miles since my last entry and have decided to head to a large, unnamed city. I’ve roughly calculated that I have enough money for fuel and food to make it within twenty or so miles of the city and it should take a couple of days with stops to rest. I don’t dare try using my credit cards due to the fact that they can most likely be traced and Interac is also definitely out of the question. My last option for money is to pawn this laptop. If needed, that should get us there for sure.
I loathe cities but I feel it’s my best chance to survive by blending into a large population. I need get my bearings and see an old friend. I simply have no choice now. My son and I need help.
Lack of funds and the need for fuel/food has translated to us sleeping in the car full time. On the plus side it means we have less chance of being spotted and don’t have to worry about finding the cheapest Motel in town with a mattress that would make your skin crawl. On the negative, I wont have access to a shower and I swear, if this nightmare ever ends, I’ll never step foot inside a gas station restroom again.
Libraries are much cleaner and free internet is a big plus. The last time I logged on at a Library I sent an email to a hometown acquaintance. I am desperate for some kind of clue as to where my wife has gone so I created a new hotmail account and wrote up a few questions. The moment I clicked ‘send’ it suddenly dawned on me that email could be traced. I can’t believe I did it but I’m not thinking clearly from lack of sleep.
I hope the Library at the next town is open when I get there. Not only do I want to upload this log but also I’d like to wash up my son. If it isn’t open I’ll be stuck with a gas station and I’ll have to find a wireless connection somewhere I can log onto.
I modified my appearance yesterday. All I’ll say is that it’s amazing how much a change to a person’s hair can alter how they look. My son couldn’t take his eyes off me as we headed back to the car. I helped him into the car, rested my hand on his shoulder to comfort his wide-eyed stare and told him not to worry, “It’s still me’.
I climbed behind the steering wheel when he lowered his brow and said “No Dad. You missed a spot”. I checked the rear view mirror and realized that the lighting in the restroom was worse than I thought. We both burst into laughs. I don’t know what felt better, actually feeling a laugh rise after these long, frightening days or hearing my son giggle until tears rolled down his cheeks. Best sound in the world.
I slid the car into drive and suddenly I felt like we could make it to the ends of the earth.
Later, my son slept as I drove in silence. My thoughts wandered back to the day my life was churned upside down. I thought about the damage to the house my wife and I worked so hard to build and maintain. A home with years of memories that the lonely would die for.
I remember the first night my wife and I slept under its roof. I lay awake with my arms folded behind my head. Her arm rested across my chest as her soft, sleeping breath brushed over my shoulder.
The window was open to the night after a long, hot summer day. As the white, frail curtains wavered and floated up from a change in the wind, I thought about the future possibilities in that house. How good it was going to be. How we would build a family and stick together through thick and thin.
I was right. It was good.
When I first met my wife, the very first thought that entered my mind, was ‘I can’t believe how stunning this woman’s eyes are.’ The next thing I clearly remember thinking was ‘I can’t believe she’s talking to me.’
We met at University. It was the first day of school with an orientation for new students. Roughly nine hundred of us were herded like cattle into an auditorium for speeches, orientation etc. I sat there sweating about what I was going to do about my lack of books. I had come up short after paying tuition and I knew it was going to be a challenge to begin a full course load without them. As I sat there with my worry lines burrowing in and my mind a hundred miles away, something suddenly caught my eye…
Across the auditorium I saw a flicker of light. I squinted my eyes and then focused on a woman who is now the best friend I’ll ever have. My wife.
I smiled at the pleasant distraction from my worries.
Students were then ushered and organized into lesser groups and after a tour of the University we were released for lunch. I found myself standing outside after the tour dispersed. I turned around, searching for a certain, described building with a cafeteria and there she was, looking just as perplexed as where to go as I was. A magnet inside my guts suddenly pulled me over to introduce myself.
The next thing I knew, I was sitting across from her having coffee, never wanting the conversation to end.